Saturday, January 30, 2010

Contamination (1980) Burial Ground (1980) - FILM


Contamination is a slow paced Alien rip-off that has a few impressive slow motion chest bursting scenes and...Yea....Moving on.

It has something to do with some astronauts bringing killer eggs that spit explosively violent liquid - that you know - causes you to explode. The cast lipsynch woodenly as they stare at the clock and count the cans of bean they'll be able to buy with their shame money. There's no ALIEN to speak of until the final reel (and even then it remains motionless). If you really want to see this, as it's considered an Italian Horror Classic (Really?) than watch the first fifteen minutes and skip to the last ten. Trust me. You won't have missed anything.


It's a rip-off of a rip-off!

A bunch of brain dead Italian folk hang around at aVilla and wait to be munched on by the undead. "Hey Guys! Lets shoot at my uncles place this weekend!" the director said. Our gang of lunkheads face off against a bunch of incredibly slow movie zombies wearing dime store Halloween masks. The zombies must have some kind of hypnotic freeze ray because our 'heroes' stand stock still for a solid five minutes as they face the shambling horde that are two guys in hobo sacks. We know to be scared because there's lots of crash zooms on terrified eyes, open mouths and...well...more terrified eyes. When the zombies finally do get their hands on the humans they proceed to strangle, nail hands and cut off heads with really sharp scythe. These maggot bags mean business! They just do it very slowly. Just like this movie!

There's some kind of theme at play here.

The creepiest thing of the entire picture is supposedly a young man played by a middle aged midget that looks like Dario Argento!

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