Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Can I not sleep for another hour before it all becomes clear?

Two men grooming themselves in their shared bathroom is not suspect. It is born out of early morning desperation. We have places to be!

It is also a danger to ones perceived reality of the physical realm.

Case in point.

“That's nasty” Ethan said as he pointed at the offending object “When was the last time you cleaned it?”

On the lip of the sink, my bright blue toothbrush lay in a crusty carapace of its own excrement.

The doors of the world opened. Bitter understanding burst from my eyes. I couldn't breathe.

“I don't know.”

I poked my tooth cleaner experimentally. It didn't explode. Bad sign. The coating of dried orange goo (citrus flavored) didn't budge.

“Usually I'm out of it when I run it across my precious chompers. I never realized the poor thing was in such a sorry state”

I took a deep labored breath.

“I can never brush my teeth again.”

“Just clean it”

“It's too late now. I will always know deep down that it has lain in its own filth for months without witness. It is the victim. I am the torturer. The scars may be invisible, but they still go deep."

“You're retarded.” He spit into the bathtub. Weird habit.

“The only solution is to give up the practice of oral hygiene. It shall be my cross to bear for my sins."

“Your teeth would go all nasty.” Ethan has sparkly white teeth that have a habit of blinding children and small animals.

“Teeth are one of the first thing people use as a weapon to judge strangers. Brown means you're a smoker, a fool, and you should not be trusted. Rotten teeth means you're irresponsible with your food consummation and that you're not to be trusted. This is a sign. I must escape this vicious circle.”

“Buy another toothbrush. They're a dollar.”

Ethan flossed. No one flosses. This makes him mentally unstable.

“The outside is a big scary place. There's an easier answers. Do you own a hammer?”

“You're not knocking out your teeth.”

"Spoil sport."

I fell heavily on top of the fuzzy toilet seat.

“What does it all mean? I thought I knew. I thought I held it in my grasp. It's all gone now. Turned to icky bits of sticky slime that we're in front of me all along, but I chose not to see the truth."

Ethan, perfectly groomed, cocked an eyebrow.

“You could use mouthwash.”

“Well....That makes sense."

So I did. All my problems went away. The next day I bought a toothbrush. It was green.

I threw the other one away.

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