Nipples that could cut glass

The Christmas decorations have vanished into moldy storage. Snow has moved into the living room and has no plans to move. The cold has moved up to snot freezing territory. Forget about the gold tinted memories of a white wonderland and prepare yourself for shivering at the bus stop at 8 AM as you curse the fact that the shelter is at the next stop.

Any one up for some tobogganing action?

It was so good it had to be destroyed.

Today me and my friend Adam filmed two absolutely hilarious sketches that would have been one of the funniest things you had ever seen.

The tape was eaten up by my camcorder.

Dream tonight knowing that you almost brushed past the work of GOD HIMSELF!

I Am Dirt Incarnate

I remember once being yelled at by my step-mother for not using soap in the shower (There was only a tiny little stick of it left. It was a trap from the get go) My father backed me up by saying "Well, at least he got wet."

I still got ten lashes with the barbed wire

Some guy on the internet from a suspiciously named site FREETHEANIMAL (Furry porn?) has this to say about his experiences wiithout soap and shampoo:

• Took about two weeks to normalize. That is, I felt my hair was greasy and skin oily up to then.
• Now it's intermittent. It's perhaps a function of water hardness, but sometimes skin and hair feel squeaky clean, and other times indeterminate.
• Even when I feel greasy/oily in the shower with just water, once everything dies out, it's always all the same -- fine; soft & dry.
• My skin & hair have never been softer. Never.
• If anything, my hair is less "greasy" than ever, yet shampoo hasn't touched it in over six months.
• Private parts. Have to address this, of course. This is the biggest benefit of all. Surprised? You'll just have to try it, because I'm not going to elaborate. That's why they call them "private parts." OK, a clue: maybe it's the constant cleansing that's the cause of the sweaty-stinky problem in the first place? If for nothing else, I'm soap free for life on this point alone. I feel as though I've been scammed -- and liberated. I can't explain further. You'll just have to try.
• You'll save a lot of money, especially you chicks. Grils: you can Google about no shampoo. Lotsa link

Check the rest of the article out at : http://freetheanimal.com/2009/12/paleo-i-dont-care-i-like-no-soap-no-shampoo.html

Cold Blooded

Written and directed by one of the men behind THE SIMPSON'S golden age (Wallace Wololdarksy) COLD BLOODED is fun little crime film more in tune with a Wes Anderson-ish* dead pan aesthetic than Tarantino hipness. Jason Priestly (Of 90210 fame) stars a near emotionless bookie's assistant that gets roped into becoming a hit man. He quickly learns that he's VERY good at killing people and the next thing he knows he's fallen in love, he has to kill his mentor, and he wants out of the business.

COLD BLOODED is a leisurely paced affair that allows the characters to breathe. Wolordarksy relies on awkwardness for comedy and punctuates things with moments of shocking violence that are all the more funny for being so casually portrayed. It's the kind of stuff that would make great material for an HBO TV show.

Good film.

The saddest part is Wolordarksy's career. After directing his debut in 1995, it wasn't till 2002 that he directed SORORITY BOYS (*shudder*) In 2004, he directed SEEING OTHER PEOPLE. Maybe he dosen't need to work. He's more than happy to roll around in his SIMPSONS money Scrooge Mcduck style.

*Interestingly, Wolodarsky is good friend with Wes Anderson. He's had roles in RUSHMORE, DARJEELING LIMITED, THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX and even a character named after his in LIFE AQUATIC,

Shitting Silver

WRITING METAPHOR TIME!

Every time I sit at the keyboard I let out a load of crap. It smells like being illiterate and it tastes like a lack of ideas.

If I look closely, real close, I know I'll find silver in the pile of crap. The silver shine of an article that's worth reading.

Most of the time I let the fecal matter fester in the air. I'm terrified that I'll spend hours shifting through the brown stuff and find nothing but zip. Nothing but a half-assed ideas people give up halfway through.

So, I don't do anything.

I have to sift, I have to dig and I have to hold my breath. I have to revise what I write.

Please bear with me every time I post something shitty. My editing process is slow. I usually write something, post it right away and minutes later I go back and re-work it. It's a weird process, but it's the only way I can work through my poophobia.

Lazy Man's Top O' The Year List

Best all around film that made me tear up like a little baby- UP

Greatest throw back to 80's over the top action cinema with a slick post millennium stylistic sheen- THE TOURNAMENT.

Decent film I found greatly overrated - THE HURT LOCKER

Completely overrated film saved by a Michael Jai White performance - BLACK DYNAMITE

Documentary that had me near tears - ANVIL: THE STORY OF ANVIL

Great TV shows that have kept me busy - MAD MEN, GLEE, CHUCK, BURN NOTICE

Best constant use of the word FUCK with an accent - DISTRICT 9

Film I thought I'd hate but didn't - INGLORIOUS BASTERDS

Favorite Four Hour Film (That just happens to involve Martial Arts Panty Photography) - Love Exposure

Crusty Morning Eyes

Rolled out of bed at 10 AM and a blink later I'm standing on a nearly deserted subway platform. I don't remember exactly how you got there. There's a scruffy looking fellow starring at me with red rimmed eyes. He sniffles and scratches his beard.

Over in the heated booth, the TTC officer turns to the next page of his copy of THE LOST SYMBOL. He makes an "Ohhhh" sound under his breath as another conspiracy is revealed to him.